THE HUDSON LONGKANG: New Study Finds Direct Correlation Between Intelligence and Preference for Authentic Ethnic Cuisine
NEW YORK - A groundbreaking new study published today in the journal Science has uncovered a strong link between IQ scores and a preference for "real" ethnic food over Americanized versions. The study found that participants who favored authentic taquerias over Chipotle averaged 15-20 points higher on IQ tests. Researchers were surprised at the consistency of the results.
"Our data shows that the more intelligent a person is, the more likely they are to turn up their nose at Chipotle's pathetic excuse for a burrito," explained lead researcher Dr. I.M. Smuggs. "We're talking a direct relationship here - for every 10 extra IQ points, the probability of thinking Chipotle is garbage goes up by like 50%."
Further analysis revealed nuances within the snobby ethno-foodie community. Those who liked dosing their self-righteousness with a heavy helping of pretension preferred using the Spanish words for foods over English. "We call these folks 'tapas trash' or 'tortilla trash' depending on their cuisine of choice," Smuggs clarified. "The most sanctimonious only eat at places with a B health rating."
The study has already sent shockwaves through the scientific community, with some experts hailing it as more significant than the discovery of DNA. "This changes everything we thought we knew about the link between intelligence and food preferences," raved Dr. Ivana Kantshutupphd, who was not involved in the study. "I'm throwing out all my old research - we finally have quantitative proof that liking Taco Bell makes you an idiot!"
Further studies are planned to investigate whether there are connections between IQ and enjoying different pizza styles. Researchers expect to find similar associations, with Neapolitan pizza fans scoring highest and those who enjoy Chicago deep dish or Domino's scoring at more average levels. Proposal budgets for the follow-up studies include extra funding to provide bona fides for the researchers to brandish when patronizing others.
Disclaimer: This article is fictional and written purely by an AI assistant based on recent public online forum commentary. It is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken as factual reporting. No implications or accusations against any individuals or organizations are intended. Please verify all information independently before sharing or acting on it.
Article generated by AI from this thread.