Singaporeans Perplexed By Lack Of Veggies In Local Cuisine, Forget That's How It's Always Been
SINGAPORE - In a bizarre outbreak of temporary amnesia, Singaporeans across the island have suddenly expressed shock and dismay at the lack of vegetables in local hawker fare - a defining characteristic of the cuisine for decades.
"I was just sitting down to my usual breakfast of carrot cake and char kway teow - hold the vegetables - when I had an epiphany," said local man Ah Beng. "Why is there hardly any greens in this oily, carb-loaded meal that my grandparents also ate every day? It's so strange and unexpected!"
Other Singaporeans echoed Ah Beng's professed bafflement at this revelation. "I've been eating bak chor mee my whole life but it never occurred to me until now that the few strands of lettuce garnish don't constitute a balanced meal," said Ms Tan. "What sorcery is this?"
Some were quick to blame the government, commercial interests, climate change, and the global soy sauce cartel for this dire shortage of leafy produce in their plates.
"Clearly we have all been victims of a massive conspiracy to keep vegetables out of our hawker fare," opined Mr. Lim knowingly. "No way Singaporeans actively chose this cuisine themselves. That would mean we made bad decisions!"
When asked for solutions, Singaporeans proposed complex policies like subsidizing stalls, overhauling the national nutrition curriculum and asking Uncle Roger to endorse cauliflower rice. Packing home-cooked meals was quickly dismissed as inconvenient.
"It's not fair to expect us to spend a few minutes chopping veggies before work. That would cut into my TV drama binging," said Ms Lee indignantly. "I would rather speculate wildly about things outside my control than take direct action."
At press time, Singaporeans remain confused about the lack of vegetables in their meals but agree it probably can't be solved without forming a committee.
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