Singaporeans Outraged Over Lack of Guidance on Sacred Drink Packet Disposal
SINGAPORE - A furious debate has erupted across the island nation over the proper disposal methods for drink packets bearing the image of Singapore's deified founding father, Lee Kuan Yew.
The controvery began when beverage company Yeo's, seeking to pay reverent homage to Lee, emblazoned limited-edition chrysanthemum tea packets with His visage. But while Singaporeans lined up by the thousands to imbibe this holy elixir, aftermath chaos ensued, as no directives had been given on how to appropriately rid oneself of the now sanctified vessels.
Seeking to calm the hysteria, the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth hastily issued a statement urging Singaporeans to dispose of the packets "in an appropriate and responsible manner." But rather than mollifying the public, this vague counsel sparked further outcry, as citizens demanded exact protocols to follow.
"How many salutes must we give the packet before throwing it away?" asked concerned citizen Tan Ah Seng. "Do we need to wrap it in silk and conduct a ritual burning? Does it require a full state funeral?"
Some innovative entrepreneurs moved quickly to capitalize on the confusion, selling custom "LKY commemorative waste bins" for $999 and instructional DVDs titled "12 Steps to Properly Discarding a Deified Drink Box" for $49.99.
But most Singaporeans remain confused and on edge, carefully hoarding piles of the used containers in their homes for fear of inadvertently desecrating them. Religious leaders too are uncertain how to proceed, with some calling for the packets to be placed in columbaria alongside actual ashes of the dead.
In a stunning rebuke, Lee Kuan Yew himself emerged from the afterlife to denounce the "absurdity and ridiculous contradictions" of treating disposed drink boxes like holy artifacts. But Singaporeans remained conflicted, unable to discern whether obeying a direct command from their ascended Supreme Deity would itself be blasphemous.
The nation anxiously awaits further official word, hoping the government will tell them exactly what to think and how to feel about the situation. For now, Singaporeans hedge their bets by praying to the packets, just in case.
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