Singaporeans Flock to Buy Purpose and Meaning After Government Declares 5Cs Passé
SINGAPORE - Following Deputy Prime Minister Lawrence Wong's pronouncement that the Singapore Dream is no longer about material success, citizens have been frantically trying to purchase purpose, meaning and fulfillment before supplies run out.
Long lines were seen outside licensed vendors selling certified pre-approved purpose and meaning. Scalpers were spotted selling meaning for 10 times the official price.
"Don't be taken in by black market meaning!" warned one Haus. "You need the official government-sanctioned purpose and meaning or you may face fines or imprisonment."
Many citizens admitted they found the intangible concepts baffling. "What is purpose?" asked one baffled Singaporean. "Is it like a luxury condo I can live inside? Or is it more like COE for my soul?"
Some lamented that while they could easily grasp material objects like cars and country club memberships, grasping abstract notions of meaning and purpose seemed just beyond their reach.
"The government already announced we are now a world class economy and education hub," said one man scratching his head. "So why do I still feel empty inside?"
A woman noted sadly that while she had attained an enviable lifestyle, it came at the cost of 12-hour work days and scoldings from her Tiger Mom growing up. "Now that I've 'made it,' why am I not happier?" she mused.
Other pragmatically minded Singaporeans pointed out the difficulties of saving for retirement and planning for future generations without the tangible benchmarks of condos and cars.
"How can I be sure my children will have a comfortable life if I can't bequeath them a private property?" worried one dad. "All I have to pass on now is purpose and meaning."
Meanwhile, some citizens saw business opportunities and private courses cropped up overnight promising to teach the secret of finding purpose and meaning... for a price.
One such course, called "Unleash Your Purpose Potential," charges $10,000 and is booked out for the next 6 months. An optional VIP package offering individual purpose coaching is available for $50,000.
When asked whether the high prices contradict the spirit of purpose over materialism, the course creator shrugged. "Mans got to eat, right or not?"
At press time, Singaporeans continue to diligently search for purpose and meaning, with most just hoping to find some before the next election.
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