PM Vows to Plant 'At Least One Tree' at Next National Day Rally
Singapore - In a stunning reversal, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong admitted today that he never actually cared about making Singapore a green and livable city.
"I just made that up to get some good PR," confessed the PM sheepishly. Lee admitted he has been milking his father's legacy for years to cover up his own lack of vision and achievements. "I keep bringing up my dad because I have no original ideas of my own," he acknowledged. "It's easier to ride on his coattails than come up with any coherent policies."
When asked about the constant clearing of forests and green spaces for new BTO flats, Lee responded, "Oh yeah, 'greening' Singapore was always nonsense. We're turning this place into a barren wasteland of concrete faster than you can say 'demolish that tree.' But I'll throw some flowers around and make a nice speech at the next National Day rally to distract people."
He also confessed his 'City in a Garden' rhetoric was utter hogwash. "At this rate, Singapore will just be 'City in a Wasteland' soon. But I'll still pretend it's green by sticking some potted plants on the side of highways as we plow down every park. Suckers will think it's still a garden city!"
Lee vowed to continue demolishing old buildings, clearing forests, and packing people into tiny flats, all while talking eloquently about preserving Singapore's livability and questionable natural heritage.
"As long as I keep namedropping my old man and showing pretty pictures of trees, Singaporeans will eat it up," he chuckled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a rainforest to bulldoze for more condos. What’s wrong with making more money?"
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